Sowing in Tears

This morning I was greeted with this devotion and reminder…a couple of days after the quake God drew me to this Psalm and I was comforted as well as encouraged. This morning not only reminded me, but placed others on my heart to share. I am comforted by this promise of God’s. I pray you are as well.

 ”Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” – Psalm 126:5

Psalm 126 describes an interesting process that goes against our natural tendencies when we are taken into a difficult period in our lives. Whenever we are hurled into a crisis that brings tears, our tendency is to retreat or recoil in fear and hurt. However, there is a better way that God tells us to handle such times of travail. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. “He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him” (Ps. 126:5-6). God is telling us that if we will do what is unnatural for us in these circumstances, He will make sure that what we sow in tears will return in joy. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned when faced with difficult circumstances. Rather than sit back and allow self-pity and discouragement to consume us, we should plant seed during this time. Reach out to a person who needs a friend. Invest in the life of another. See where you can be a blessing to someone. Give of yourself. The psalmist acknowledges that we are doing this while we are in our pain. However, during this time we are to sow seed. That seed will return to us in another form. Here is what will happen when we do this. “He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.” We will receive joy and fruit from the seed that we plant during this time. Sheaves represent the fruit of a harvest. We will actually get a harvest from this seed. “You must not let the circumstances destroy you! Too many in the Kingdom are counting on you to come through this because of the calling on your life!” Those were the words spoken to me by a friend one time when I was in the midst of a very difficult business and personal circumstance that was threatening to destroy me emotionally. This person saw what God was doing and the fruit that God wanted to bring from these circumstances. Sometimes we need others around us to push us through the difficult times. If you find yourself in a difficult place today, see where you can sow some seed. Soon you will be reaping songs of joy.

M.P. Knows Best

God’s timing is always perfect for He is never early and He is never late…He is right on time:>) The girls left for Kentucky on Fri. morning and by Fri. afternoon I began feeling my blood pressure going low. I can usually tell when it comes on as I get light headed and blackout at times. I remember the first week of my senior year getting in the shower and feeling like I was going to pass out and low and behold I did, but not without hitting my eye on the faucet and bruising my ribs. Thankfully I was out before I felt that happen:>) A week  in the hospital for tests later and a mighty nice shiner I find I have low blood pressure. So basically I just know, but this time I had the added bonus of a viral infection. I felt like I just off a boat, a plane or a Haitian bus ride…motion sickness. After I was given something for my dizziness/nausea I was feeling better and I slept much better last night…but I knew I couldn’t go love on the kids like I usually do…so what to do? Ahh I can help count Vit. C….well no I can’t do that either!!! Let’s just say I had a moment… a not so pretty moment in my castle guard tower.( All my athletes this is your opportunity to know that as I get better I probably will have to do at least 500 crunches for being negative, using can’t and whining, you have my word I will do them all too!!) I knew Miss Melissa (Medical Professional, M.P.) knew best and I certainly didn’t want to get anyone else sick. I knew she was right when she told me I couldn’t count Vit. C, I knew she was right when she told me not to go to the baby orphanage (and in my mind that meant the MC, granmoun, the people waiting to see the doctor etc. Just loving on people…giving them hugs, holding there hand, kissing their precious cheeks, holding them in your arms.) Auuuuggggghhhh what was she telling me….my ears heard, but my heart just fell into my stomach, but again I trust her and she does know best.  So what does one do when they can’t (100 crunches) do what they love to do?  I have a moment and then I sit at the feet of Jesus…I love this song …” Sitting at your feet; sitting at your feet; this is where my life is complete; sitting at your feet.”  I was reminded that I could be using this time to work more on my Kreyol. What a great idea!!!   Jeremiah prays this ” I know, Oh Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.” Jer. 10:23  In Proverbs 16:9 it says ” In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  I know by sitting at the feet of Jesus my heart will float back up to where it needs to be and what I want is not quite so important as what He wants. It means submitting to what I know is right and best and abiding in Him. As I type right now I can hear Presely crying and Maurice having a moment. It is all I can do to keep from running over a picking them up to comfort them and love on them. ” Lord comfort their crying hearts and wrap your loving arms around them. Mesi Jezi”

Perfect timing to be sick….don’t have to worry about missing school.  Most people would see this as glass half empty, but me…it is half full and I will wait upon the Lord as He leads me these next couple of weeks. His will be done.

Running to the Father

A dear sister sent this devotion to me yesterday and it spoke directly to my heart. I pray that it will speak to you as well. (Love you my sister!!!:>) I pray that we learn to run to the Father more and more each day.

“After sending them home, he went up into the hills by himself to pray. Night fell while he was there alone.” Matthew 14:23 (NLT)

 Devotion: It was a drama-packed day. Jesus’ cousin, John the Baptist, was dead because a drunken king chopped off his head. Jesus tried to get away to deal with the news, but crowds of people called his name. Heal me! Feed me! He healed the sick. He fed over 5,000 people with a few fish and loaves of bread. These miracles caused the crowd to press in closer, to shout louder and to demand more from Him. It also caused conflict. He’s our new king! No; he’s dangerous; kill him! Sometimes life gets complex. Many times we just keep on going even though we are pulled between the demands of the people we love – Feed me! Love me! – with those feelings festering  just under the surface. But what happens when you arrive at ground zero emotionally because of loss or pain or fatigue? What did Jesus do? When His day was finally done, Jesus hiked into the mountains to pray. He needed strength. He needed guidance. He needed to be refreshed spiritually and physically. Jesus settled in to talk to His father. I’ll be honest. When I’m at that place, the temptation is to wrap up in my favorite blanket, turn on a mindless TV show, and veg. But what waits for me in that alone place with God? He knows us better than anyone else. He’s willing to carry our burdens, soothe our hearts, and that prayer time becomes a shelter, an oasis where we are revived. At that point it’s not about the time we spend, or even the words that we say, but what we discover when we settle in. Prayer becomes our heavenly GPS system. An earthly GPS system contains atomic clocks that are accurate to a billionth of a second! No matter where you are, it can find your location and give you direction. Think about this: The God of the Universe is greater than any earthly GPS. God knows where you are, where you are headed emotionally, and how to recalculate so that you can find your way back to sanity, peace, and even to joy.

Dear Jesus, You know what it is to be emotionally and physically spent. You know what it is to hurt, to grieve, to long for quiet and peace and healing. Thank You that You understand how I feel, and that You carry my burden when it’s too big for me to carry alone. I adore You. In Your Name, Amen.

Power Verses: Psalm 19:7, “The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul. The decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.” (NLT)

Psalm 91:1-2, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom trust.’” (ESV)

In the midst of everything going on, may we find time to run and hide in prayer with God, he is the only one who can revive, strengthen, and guide us. I love you! Praying for you!

Baseball Knots and Praises

I was woken up this morning with a baseball sized knot in my leg and the beautiful sound of my Haitian brother and sisters singing songs of praise and adoration at the church across the way. As I breathed deeply and worked out this knot thoughts of my Dad came flooding into my mind. I thought of the early morning my Mom called to tell me it would not be long before he would be going to see Jesus face to face. She put the phone up to my Dad’s ear so that I could speak to him one last time. He was unable to speak, but he could hear my voice. I reminded him that Jesus loved him…I told him it was all right to go and that God would take care of me, mom and my sister. I told him I loved Him and that I would see him again. I got off the phone and went directly to my Heavenly Father…the Father of all comfort…the Father who heals the broken hearted…the Father who brings us peace in the midst of the storm…the Father who carries our burdens…the Father that gives us rest…and the Father to the fatherless. My Heavenly Father wrapped me in His arms and gave me the strength, peace and comfort to walk thru the days ahead with my family. When I look back on those days I am reminded of the joy God brought me in the midst of grief. I am reminded of the incredible way the Lord changed my Dad. I am reminded of the beautiful times I was able to pray with him and talk about the Lord. I was reminded of the many times God used him to save me. And I was reminded of the many sacrifices my daddy made for me, because he loved me. When I think back to this time I don’t think of sadness first….I think of the joy of witnessing my own Dad come to know Jesus in an intimate and personal way after many years of walking without Him. What a day of rejoicing it was and still is. Do I miss my dad? Oh how I would love to have him work out the baseball sized knots in my heart…to pray with me, hug me and  tell me he loves me. To have him encourage me in my walk with the Lord. To ask his opinion or ask for help. My daddy isn’t here anymore, but my Abba, Father is with me always and He will never leave me. Just as my Haitian brother’s and sister’s can sing praises in the midst of this tragedy , grief, hunger, sickness, and uncertainty…I am encouraged to do the same and to not lose heart…to press on to a higher calling in Christ Jesus. Oh Lord, make me less and make You more. Mesi Jezi. Where you lead me I will follow. Fill me with greater love and joy today and help me to live a life that glorifies You. Philippians 2:1-18…help me to walk this out today. I love you Jesus

A New Approach…(part 2 of the Written Word….letters of love)

So what is my new approach or I should say heart change, because that is what God is doing with me.  After the first half of my week trying to fight of all the thoughts and situations I woke up the other day thinking about a pilot’s check list. You no engine? check. propeller? check:>) Wings? check. O.K. so I don’t know the terminology for what an airplane pilot needs to check before flying, but I do know he has certain things that need to be checked. Well I got to thinking about how my day was going to go and praying and asking God to help me communicate. I asked Him to help me love more. I asked Him to help me be the woman of God He desires me to be for that day. After that He brought this to my mind…I love how He brings things like this to my mind, because I certainly could not have  thought this up on my own. So anyway here it is…(those of you on facebook may get tired of me posting this…C’est la vie:>)

Armor? check. Love? check. Attitude? check. Jesus goggles? superglued on. Ready for a new day and what God has planned. Where you lead me Lord…I will follow.

That day I recieved a couple of notes that filled my heart and filled my love tank. That day I had little ones calling me Mama Beth and running to me for hugs and kisses. That day I finished my daily walk outside the gate speaking to children about Jesus and telling them He loved them and wants to be their friend…in Kreyol:>) O.K. not pretty Kreyol, but they understood. That day our school day was great and Mikela finished reading her first book and all of them touched my heart with their compassionate prayers. That day I layed down with a child and sang him to sleep. I could go on and on, but I think you probably have the picture. God gave me just what I needed to be able to give out what He gave me. There are those days where I feel like I have nothing left inside of me to give and then I hear His voice whisper…my child this little one needs to feel my loving arms around them, that worker needs  a hug and needs to know I l0ve them, I need you to stand in the gap for your sisters and brothers. Love them like my Son loves you. Jesus is more than enough for me. Until He tells me otherwise I am sticking to my checklist knowing that He will let me fly where He wants me to fly.

This morning I flew to the baby orphanage to hang out with the kids and play my harmonica for them…I really don’t have a clue how to play, but it was fun just watching them dance to my made up tune. I flew there also because this week we recieved a new little girl thru very sad circumstances that I’d rather not go into, but let’s just say she has been stoic and quiet all week. I picked her up today and just held her in my arms and I didn’t want to let her go. She is probably around 3 yrs. old and to be quickly separated from your mother had to have traumatized her. She is a beautiful little girl named Nakah (I think) and she looks as if she has been taken well cared for. After holding her for quite sometime one of the workers wanted me to hold Emmanuel as the babe was fussy so Nakah got down off my lap, but stayed quite close to me and as I sang to the kids and played the harmonica I began to see her smile and she began to talk. My heart was praising Jesus. I layed Emmanuel in his crib and picked Nakah up and she just held on so very tightly and sweetly. She needed someone to just hold her and to feel loved. I was afraid that when I got ready to leave she would be upset, but I explained I would be back later and she smiled and let me go. I think of the many children in PAP and all across this country that have lost there parents and there family. Who is going to hold them and then God gently reminds me He will…He holds us all in the palm of His hand. I don’t know about you, but that blows my socks off:>) A part of me would love nothing more than to go to PAP and pick up those children that are lost and alone with no where to go and no family around. To love them like Jesus. For right now Iwill pray for the love of Jesus to surround them and keep them safe.

Thank you again my Dear Ones for your letters of love that fill me. Thank you most of all Jesus…for your Living Word that fills me with your love and your compassion. Thy Word is a lamp to my feet and light for my path. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

The Written Word….letters of love…(part 1)

This week has had me at war in my heart and my mind and to be honest the attacks have not let up, but I also have to say I began a different approach the past couple of days. God used His faithful servants to speak to my heart and to encourage me. For me…letters and notes of love speak to my heart in a way that nothing else can…maybe because (as a dear friend reminded me this morning to do) I can go back when I need to and reread those words. The words of affirmation, of truth, of conviction, of someone elses heart, of encouragement and of God’s Word…they fill me with great joy and remind me I am loved and needed and being used. When I have days where I just need to be hugged and knowone physically is there…these letters of love hold me tight. 

The greatest love letter of all though is God’s written Word…it is more powerful than any two edged sword. It cuts right to the core of the heart. It can speak to you like no other person for it is the Living Word.  Case in point…over Christmas my sister was reading God’s Word during the Christmas play and as she read she became so overwhelmed she almost couldn’t finish reading. I have experienced this as well and I know many of you have too. You may be reading it aloud alone and He speaks to you through His living Word that you become overwhelmed. You know for sure and for certain that you are in His presence and you know He is speaking directly to you thru His mighty Word.  Before I came to  Haiti the Lord made it very clear as I spoke His Word in worship service one Sunday. ” Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “whom shall I send? and who will go for us?” and I said, ” Here am  I, Send me!”  Isaiah 6:8 As I spoke these Words aloud I felt in my Spirit the Living God speaking directly to me, so when I said, Here am I , Send me…it wasn’t just words off a page…it was me telling God ” Lead me Lord…I will follow wherever you want me to go.” Even now I am overwhelmed with this passage.

After wrestling a bit before I finally fell asleep last night I woke up this morning and I went to read my devotion  and read these Living Words from the Lord…The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?….I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:1, 13-14) This brings me such a peace and encouragement as I wait and abide in the One who casts out all my fears. His love will do that. Mesi Jezi.

Thank you Dear Ones for your letters of love…every single one came at just the right time to speak words of encouragement, counsel and love to me. Thank you for locking shields with me!!!!! I love you and am blessed by your faithful prayers.

God’s Voice versus satan’s voice…

• God’s Voice stills you
• satans voice rushes you
• God’s Voice leads you
• satan’s voice pushes you
• God’s Voice reassures you
• satan’s voice frightens you
• God’s Voice enlightens you
• satan’s voice confuses you
• God’s Voice encourages you
• satan’s voice discourages you
• God’s Voice comforts you
• satan’s voice worries you
• God’s Voice calms you
• satan’s voice obsesses you
• God’s Voice convicts you
• satan’s voice condemns you

The past couple of days I feel like I have been in one of those Tom and Jerry cartoons where Tom has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other arguing and fighting back and forth. I had to pull out my visual reminder which is above. My armor is feeling beat up and exposed. My mind and my heart know without a doubt that this is where my Jesus wants me, but my mind tends to wander off and listen for just a brief moment to words of doubt and fear. Doubt that I am uncapable and fear ,not of the earthquake, but of failing and not being the teacher, the coach, the friend,the sister, the daughter, the mama and most importantly the  woman of God He desires me to be.This is a continual struggle and though I have to say I am so much better than I used to be it still tends to trip me up. With that is learning to Let Go and Let God… Let go of my doubt of my capabilities and let God lead me and teach me in the things He wants me to learn and to teach others. Let go of my fear of failure and let God show me how to love others, teach others, coach others the way He has always shown me. Let go of relationships that I hold on to to tightly and allow myself to be what He wants me to be. Let go of self pity and let God place those upon my heart He desires me to stand in the gap for…to put others before myself. To follow the voice of God and to be led by His Holy Spirit…Lord you are making me less and you more and I recognize that you are stretching me and molding me into the woman you desire me to be. I recognize your voice and hear you speak softly to me. Forgive me when I allow the noise of this world to shake me and give me doubts and fears. Lord you are with me always and you never leave me. Father I need you every minute of the day and your peace and comfort by night. Jesus make me less and make you more in my life. Mesi Jezi for hearing my heart… For loving me enough to change me and to grow me in your ways everlasting. You are all I need and I love you Abba Father. In Jesus Name…Amen.

Psalm 139

The Lord Helps Us

Today as I sit down to write I look at my devotional calendar and notice it is still on Jan. 12. Has it been 12 days since the quake shook this country? I flipped it over to today and this is what it reads.

…but with us is the Lord our God to help us, and to fight our battles. 2 Chronicles 32:8

“More important than where we are or what we have is WHO is with us. It has been said, “Safety is not the absence of danger, but the presence of the Lord.”

I think back to that day and the aftershocks we have had since then and I clearly see that even in the midst of danger, the Lord was with me. He is the One who kept this mission, Jose, our staff that served in PAP, the remaining teams that flew out and the medical team that just arrived yesteday… safe. The presence of our Mighty God is and was with us.

The days ahead are wrought with uncertainty and many more tears, but the joy of the Lord shall be my strength… for this I am sure. Nothing is to difficult for my Jesus and the battle is His. I have resolved that I will praise Him no matter what the circumstance, no matter what the heartache. He is my God and my Lord.

Earthquake Update….Calm my anxious heart Jezi.

 

Lord, I come to you today in prayer and I ask You now to let your peace , Jesus,  which transcends all understanding, guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.  (philippians 4:7)

 This morning I woke up at 4 am anxious and breathless that the patched roof that is over me had fallen on my legs. Now I know this seems silly, but I have always had a touch of clostraphobia in my legs and to have something heavy as rock on them brought me straight out of bed. Where did I go? I went to the Lord who brings me peace and comfort. I had a few words to the evil one…mainly ‘leave me alone for I know Jesus is with me and He will never leave me”. I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep so I grabbed my Bible and my flashlight and went up to the devo area to bathe myself in scripture for I knew if I didn’t my mind would continue to wander. As I write now I still feel a bit breathless, but taking deep long breaths and just saying the name of Jesus calms my spirit. As I read this morning and soaked in His Word the Lord brought me to Psalm 91:1-2, 9-11, 14-16

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “ He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust…..

If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the Lord, who is my refuge—then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; …

“Because he loves me, “says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and  I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

It is comforting to know that my Jesus is watching over me during this time of uncertainty.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds the future. Being able to share that with others at this time is a joy. Being able to walk alongside these 3 little girls and allow them to ask questions or share dreams they have had or what makes them sad or scared is a joy. This morning I shared with the girls that I was scared this morning…I didn’t tell them why as to not bring more fear to them…and they said “really you were scared”? I told them though that though I was feeling scared I got up and went directly to the Lord and spent time talking with Him and He gave me a peaceful heart. Placing my heart in His hands and trusting Him alone. We have had teachable moments like these since the quake and it is such a blessing to see their hearts grow in the Lord. Keeping my eye on them and the little ones in the kids in the MC and baby orphanage to make sure they are processing this has kept me in prayer. I think of the ones in PAP the one who have felt and seen things that there little eyes just shouldn’t see and my heart cries out to the Lord to guard their hearts and minds. My heart cries out for the ones who are walking the streets with no where to go. My heart cries out for the ones who lost their families. My heart cries out for them to know Jesus (their Comforter and Peace) My heart simply cries out!!!

“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry for help come to you.

Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress.

Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. 

        Psalm 102:1-2

Mesi Jezi for your peace…for your strength in this time of weakness and for your joy that is ever present in this time of heartache. May we all cry out to the Lord for His help.

(just to relieve anyone’s mind, we did have another stronger aftershock early yesterday morning, but we are all good here…Mesi Jezi:>)

Haiti Update……Mission Family, friends and my family

Those of you who know me well know how much music ministers to my heart and my Jesus does too. It wasn’t by accident that I received a couple of CD’s this Christmas that again by accident has songs that have drawn me to the Father and to encourage my heart. This song by Casting Crowns not only reminds me, but speaks to what is going on around me.  My Lord is always enough!!!

In this dry and weary land; Lord you are the rain.

In the sea of shattered ones; Your love comes rushing in.

You hold the world within your hands and see each tear that falls .

Thru every fire and every storm

Your always enough, Your always enough.

Keep my heart in perfect peace; my life is in your hands.

When confusion hides my way

Your always enough, always enough

Your love is peace to the broken; faith for the widow; hope for the orphan;

Strength for the weak.Your love is the anthem of nations; rings out thru the ages

And your always enough for me.

I rejoice for my Savior reigns

I rejoice for He lives in me

God on high He has set me free

Worthy is the Lamb.

                                   ***by Casting Crowns

To my mission family Our Lord is being seen thru our heartache and our weakness. I am blessed to be locking shields with men and women who are obedient and courageous and willing to battle in the frontlines. My heart cries out to God for those who have returned from PAP and have seen and experienced things I could not imagine. May the Lord restore you and fill you to overflowing with His Mighty Spirit that you may cotinue this race in victory. Lord Make us One and use us for your purpose and your glory for such a time as this. Guard our minds and our hearts and let us not do anything in our own strength, but in Yours. Lord help us to Be still and know that you are God. I love you my Jesus. You are always enough!!

To my family and friends…I am walking in great peace that can only come from my Jesus and your willingness to go before the Father on my behalf. You may not be here with me, but you are serving in the most important roll that me and my mission family needs. I thank my Jesus for you and humbled to be serving Him for such a time as this. God has not been working and preparing me and my heart for nothing. My Jesus has orchestrated and wrote the chapters in my life and this is not by accident.  I can say that even in the midst of heartache and sadness there is joy and that joy is my strength. I can praise Him in and thru this storm and know that His purpose and plan will be fulfilled. What encourages me more is to see the Haitian people praise Him even during this time of loss…they are praising Him.  Continue to pray for my brother and sisters here and pray that hearts will seek the One who brings hope and healing, who comforts and brings peace. Pray decisions will be made to follow Jesus Christ our Lord. I love you all so very much.